Last weekend I had a few events to attend.  The biggest one I would say was on Saturday night.  A few of my friends who were supposed to be there ended up skipping the party.  I was a little annoyed by them not going because I’m not really close to a lot of the other people that were there and I felt a little out of place.  I tried to make the best of it even though my anxiety was going through the roof most of the evening.

My anxiety was so relentless, I couldn’t really get out of that headspace which was a bummer.

A few days later I went to another event and handled things a lot better.  I felt more relaxed, which could be because it was at a familiar spot and was a smaller crowd than what was Saturday night.

My significant other knows how bad my anxiety can get, so he ordered me a Fidget Cube.  It is a small vinyl stress relief cube that you can click, roll, flip, spin.



I’ve used it a few times already, and it has been great to have when I start having a little anxiety while cleaning and decorating my house.

I look forward to taking this out for a “spin” this week at a few social engagements I have.  Should make brunches and socials a lot easier on me and relieve my anxiety.



Getting out of my comfort zone

For those that know me, know that I am very introverted.  For those that don’t, I’ll refer you to the title of this blog.

I’ve always been shy and quiet.  It never used to really bother me.  Though  so many times I would have so much to say,  yet when I would be with a group of people I clam up and would be unable to get the freaking words out of my mouth.  Or I would worry that I may say the wrong thing, and be judged in some manner.

Which I know is quite silly because knowing most of the people in my social circles now, I know there isn’t much I could say that would even surprise them.

A friend of mine recently noted that I had been going out to more events and they were glad I was doing so.  They asked why, simply because they know its never really been a thing for me to go to so many socials.  I replied that I am working on my social anxiety and the way for me to really conquer it is to force myself to go to more events and parties.

Since I started going to more events, I will say my anxiety has gotten a little better, its not great- there are times I don’t want to get out of the car and would rather go home and watch Housewives of Beverly Hills or Vanderpump Rules with my dog.

But we all need social interaction, to meet new people, and have new experiences.  Otherwise we don’t grow or learn anything from other people.  So even if I am having anxiety about going to an event, I try to power through, because I know at the end of the evening I will have had a great time and glad that I went.

This weekend for example, I have a few parties that I will be attending.  One is a big event that I haven’t gone to in a long time.  I know a lot of people that will be going, and it does ease my anxiety a little bit.  There will also be a majority of people that I don’t know and usually that makes me a little uncomfortable.  But as I said, I am facing my social anxiety head on and the way for me to do that is to just put myself in the situations that may make me a little uncomfortable.

So here’s the the weekend!

I look forward to sharing Sunday night how things went!   Wish me luck!

Another Year

Today is the four year anniversary of my mothers passing.
It doesn’t feel like its been four years, it feels much longer.
Perhaps that is because three weeks after she died, I packed up my stuff, left Port Neches and moved to Austin.
There are times I still almost go to call her on the phone. So many things I want to talk to her about, but I can’t. It gets overwhelming at times.
When Im having a hard time, or dealing with some problem, I call my sister and she usually will say “What do you think mom would tell you.”
And I know exactly what she would say.
Those that knew her, know she had a bit of a dark sense of humor. That is what I miss most about her. She was funny, smart, and could give the best advice. 
I wish she was here so I could tell her all of the things that are going on in my life. Of course I know that she knows, but I wish i could hear her voice. 
I hope that wherever she is on the spiritual plane that she has found relief and is happy